2023 Thoughts on Marriage

 I think I'll make at least one post a year. Maybe more if I don't keep forgetting about this blog lol. This is my last year in the JET Programme. It's been quite a wild ride. However, I think everything that happened was necessary for me to become the person I am now. 

I'm still married and still living in Japan. I'm sure the married part won't change but the living in Japan thing is up in the air. Living in Japan is safe. Guns are illegal and there are not many violent or petty crimes. Though it does happen. 

However, the loneliness does get to you. I'm married but I sometimes would like to go out with friends. I don't know if it's just a Japanese thing or a global phenomenon, but I feel that people assume that once you get married, you no longer need friends. That is totally not the case. Not much has changed from when we were dating to after we got a marriage certificate. We are still the same people. Though I do admit I feel pressure to act a certain way so as to not disgrace my husband. I feel like I'm not as free to make mistakes or ask for help. 

It's honestly exhausting. A lot of people assume I had a happy ending but marriage isn't the end. It's literally the beginning of the next chapter.   For me, marriage was never a goal in my life. It was something I never imagined. Something I thought would always be elusive to me. So it's strange. I've attained something that many people want even though I was never looking for it in the first place. However, do not get me wrong. I love my husband but I definitely do not have the toxic expectation that he will complete me and that everything will be perfect from now on just because of him. That's too heavy. 

I think unhealthy expectations like that are what ultimately lead to divorce. We are all individuals. We are imperfect. Our imperfections are what make us special. Everyone's vision of what marriage is supposed to look like is not and does not have to be the same. I used to think it did. Maybe that's why I never wanted it. I had too many toxic examples of what that looked like in my life. So my husband and I have talked extensively about what is happiness for us and what our expectations are of each other. I think these discussions can be hard but are necessary. If you're not being honest with the person you're living with and committing the rest of your life to, then who will you be honest with?

But that's my rant..... Welcome to 2023. 

Fuck toxic relationships, unreasonable expectations, and gender roles