JET and mental illness
Japan is an amazing country with affordable health care. However, it is also a country that doesn't really believe in mental health care. The mental health care services here are pretty much nonexistent and if one is lucky to find adoctor, who knows if they will actually be competent. This issue is not solely a Japan issue but an Asia issue.... An African diaspora issue. However, at least black Americans are starting to acknowledge their mental health issues and seeking out help.
Japanese people rarely ask for help. I think that's incredibly sad and lonely. If I were having issues and had no one to talk to I would be incredibly sad. Even though I'm sad and I know I have friends to help me deal with my mental and emotional issues. However, imaging having no one to help you process complicated feelings. It's HARD....
That is why Japan has one of the highest suicide rates in the world. They overwork their citizens and they recieve no place they can release their frustrations in a healthy manner. Many people here drink through the pain or just endure and pretend everything is okay until it's not. I've witnessed it and it has maybe me super sad.
Which is why lately being here has been a real struggle for me.
I'm not only trying to process my own emotions but I'm also absorbing the negative energies of my coworkers and other people. I never asked to be emotional but I am. I hate when people hurt. I especially hate when people are hurting and there is nothing I can do about it. IT SUCKS.
When I'm hurting here I have no one to comfort me. I'm ALONE. No one acknowledges when you are feeling shitty. They just let you stew in your own sadness. For me that is the worst thing ever because I have crippling ANXIETY. All the negative thoughts surface and I'm unable to move... I'm unable to function properly.
I had to leave school early yesterday because my anxiety triggered an overwhelming depression. It was just as bad or worst than the times I felt like dropping out of school and just giving up on life in general. I felt so cold and empty. And I couldn't maintain my mask of happiness... the mask was slowly slipping as if my anxiety took of the form of slimy perspiration and slowly birthed itself from my skin and the accumulation was detaching the adhesive of my mask.
I gave into the madness and all the light in me left... I was a shadow of DARKNESS. Even the cute invites at recess to play with the 4th graders couldn't overcome the overwhelming dark and cold that engulfed my being. Threatening me to the point that I thought it would take over my consciousness and I would be lost to it and never reach the surface again. I was drowning. So I left. I'm not bound by these rigid rules of Japanese society. I'm not obligated to stay when I feel like absolute shit. I LEAVE. Because I know that is the best option. Knowing when enough is enough is a strength. It took me a while to realize this but I'm glad that I found this in my journey of self-discovery.
Well that's the end of my blog... rant? Whatever. I hope I'm able to dig down deep one day and be active when I'm depressed instead of sleep it off. But hey one step at a time. I'm so thankful that my friend Stephanie reached out to me yesterday. I could cry. She really doesn't know how much I needed that <3
**Thankfully JET offers some mental health services. I haven't tried them out but they are available if you're struggling.**
Japanese people rarely ask for help. I think that's incredibly sad and lonely. If I were having issues and had no one to talk to I would be incredibly sad. Even though I'm sad and I know I have friends to help me deal with my mental and emotional issues. However, imaging having no one to help you process complicated feelings. It's HARD....
That is why Japan has one of the highest suicide rates in the world. They overwork their citizens and they recieve no place they can release their frustrations in a healthy manner. Many people here drink through the pain or just endure and pretend everything is okay until it's not. I've witnessed it and it has maybe me super sad.
Which is why lately being here has been a real struggle for me.
I'm not only trying to process my own emotions but I'm also absorbing the negative energies of my coworkers and other people. I never asked to be emotional but I am. I hate when people hurt. I especially hate when people are hurting and there is nothing I can do about it. IT SUCKS.
When I'm hurting here I have no one to comfort me. I'm ALONE. No one acknowledges when you are feeling shitty. They just let you stew in your own sadness. For me that is the worst thing ever because I have crippling ANXIETY. All the negative thoughts surface and I'm unable to move... I'm unable to function properly.
I had to leave school early yesterday because my anxiety triggered an overwhelming depression. It was just as bad or worst than the times I felt like dropping out of school and just giving up on life in general. I felt so cold and empty. And I couldn't maintain my mask of happiness... the mask was slowly slipping as if my anxiety took of the form of slimy perspiration and slowly birthed itself from my skin and the accumulation was detaching the adhesive of my mask.
I gave into the madness and all the light in me left... I was a shadow of DARKNESS. Even the cute invites at recess to play with the 4th graders couldn't overcome the overwhelming dark and cold that engulfed my being. Threatening me to the point that I thought it would take over my consciousness and I would be lost to it and never reach the surface again. I was drowning. So I left. I'm not bound by these rigid rules of Japanese society. I'm not obligated to stay when I feel like absolute shit. I LEAVE. Because I know that is the best option. Knowing when enough is enough is a strength. It took me a while to realize this but I'm glad that I found this in my journey of self-discovery.
Well that's the end of my blog... rant? Whatever. I hope I'm able to dig down deep one day and be active when I'm depressed instead of sleep it off. But hey one step at a time. I'm so thankful that my friend Stephanie reached out to me yesterday. I could cry. She really doesn't know how much I needed that <3
**Thankfully JET offers some mental health services. I haven't tried them out but they are available if you're struggling.**
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