First time
After quitting my job I felt free for the first time in my entire life... MY ENTIRE LIFE.
I was no longer affected by the opinions of others. I realized their discomfort and fear of me quitting was only their inherent fear of the unknown.
They were projecting their own fears upon me and I would no longer allow them to hold me back.
During my last two weeks my mood drastically changed for the better. The depression that shrouded my eyes and clung to my heart slowly lost its grip. I became more positive .... I felt less sick.... I was going back to the way I was before the bitter sting of racial discrimination and betrayal.
I felt like myself for the first time in years. I was no longer moody and depressed constantly. Oh how I wished I could change time and have quit sooner. So many things would have been different ... But I know it wasn't my time then, it was now. Those experiences and emotions were necessary for my evolution. Nothing in this world can stop me now.
......except nerves lol
As the days rapidly reached my departure date my anxiety started to pick. I had been so excited about my trip to Japan but now I was a mess. I was experiencing a roller coaster of emotions.
Joy: I'm free!! I get to travel to one of my favorite places in the world! For 2 months!! I'll get to visit friends too and make wonderful memories.
Sadness: I'm finally have my life together and I'm emotionally stable... But I'm leaving. I won't get to spend time with the people I care about who have been with me at my lowest times and stayed.... I want them to experience me at my best. I want to give them to world.... But can I do for them? There is no way I can ever repay their kindness...
Anger: Look at what I've done to myself over these shitty years at this job that doesn't give a shit about me.... I've gained like 100 pounds.... I have scars and stretch marks in places I never had them... I'm ugly, unattractive, obese..... I gave my youth to this job and they couldn't even say thank you.... 7 YEARS... and not even a shitty card.... Fuck them.
Melancholy: I don't deserve this..... I've been so useless to the people I care about... I can't even pack .... *lies on floor*
Happiness : I'll get to see my friends, do some sightseeing, and of course eat delicious food!!!! My Japanese will get even better!!!
Fear : Omg!! I'm going to get lost!!! I'm going to forget something!! I'm so fucking fat and disgusting no one will like me.... I'm trash.... Not good gomi anime trash but the bad kind .... Real trash...
Excited: Fuck it! I'm about to party. I can't change anything right now so why worry!
I was no longer affected by the opinions of others. I realized their discomfort and fear of me quitting was only their inherent fear of the unknown.
They were projecting their own fears upon me and I would no longer allow them to hold me back.
During my last two weeks my mood drastically changed for the better. The depression that shrouded my eyes and clung to my heart slowly lost its grip. I became more positive .... I felt less sick.... I was going back to the way I was before the bitter sting of racial discrimination and betrayal.
I felt like myself for the first time in years. I was no longer moody and depressed constantly. Oh how I wished I could change time and have quit sooner. So many things would have been different ... But I know it wasn't my time then, it was now. Those experiences and emotions were necessary for my evolution. Nothing in this world can stop me now.
......except nerves lol
As the days rapidly reached my departure date my anxiety started to pick. I had been so excited about my trip to Japan but now I was a mess. I was experiencing a roller coaster of emotions.
Joy: I'm free!! I get to travel to one of my favorite places in the world! For 2 months!! I'll get to visit friends too and make wonderful memories.
Sadness: I'm finally have my life together and I'm emotionally stable... But I'm leaving. I won't get to spend time with the people I care about who have been with me at my lowest times and stayed.... I want them to experience me at my best. I want to give them to world.... But can I do for them? There is no way I can ever repay their kindness...
Anger: Look at what I've done to myself over these shitty years at this job that doesn't give a shit about me.... I've gained like 100 pounds.... I have scars and stretch marks in places I never had them... I'm ugly, unattractive, obese..... I gave my youth to this job and they couldn't even say thank you.... 7 YEARS... and not even a shitty card.... Fuck them.
Melancholy: I don't deserve this..... I've been so useless to the people I care about... I can't even pack .... *lies on floor*
Happiness : I'll get to see my friends, do some sightseeing, and of course eat delicious food!!!! My Japanese will get even better!!!
Fear : Omg!! I'm going to get lost!!! I'm going to forget something!! I'm so fucking fat and disgusting no one will like me.... I'm trash.... Not good gomi anime trash but the bad kind .... Real trash...
Excited: Fuck it! I'm about to party. I can't change anything right now so why worry!
Comments
Post a Comment